Here We Go

It took me over 6 years to come to the realization that sometimes you fall in love with the wrong person.
I did.
And now that I know it, I have to accept it.
And eventually, move on.

It's so clear to me now. Every problem with our relationship from the beginning was clouded with the desire to make it work at whatever cost; so clouded, in fact, that I never realized that at our very cores, we were simply two very different people with similar interests.

In hindsight, the warning signs are so obvious. We were instantly attracted to each other, developed a relationship within a matter of days, and fell helplessly in love with each other without a second thought. We wanted each other to be each others' "one-and-only" so badly that we created the idea that we were all we had, and for the course of our lives, we depended on that and altered our plans to include each other. Even while we weren't together. It seemed inevitable and unavoidable that I would love him until the day I died.

But I recently discovered that I can control this.

I can stop loving someone who is only hurting me.

I can pick up the pieces of my own life, and rebuild it without him.

I was dependent. I was sick. I was waiting for a happy ending that would never come. Why? Because fundamentally, we are simply wrong for each other, and no amount of me attempting to make it work, waiting for him to change, or altering my expectations is going to change who we are at the end of the day.

It kills me and terrifies me to say goodbye to him, but it's something I must do.
Parts of me will always be attached to him. I will never forget the love we shared, and he will always be a part of who I am. I cannot change this.

But I can change where I go from here.

It's time to get my life back.

Here we go.