i would have

I would have let you love me
I would have died a thousand times before
Letting you see the certainty
That your love will never be
Enough for me

I would have let you hold me
And I would ask a hundred questions
To make certain your intentions
Were pure and good and true
But I couldn’t do the same
For you.

I would have let you kiss me
I would let you put your face on mine
And hold my hands until the end of time
But if you asked me to kiss your sorest spot
I’m afraid that’s simply
Asking a lot

I would have let you keep me
In a box with all your favorite things
Candy and roses and diamond rings
But inside I would rot away
And resent your love
For making me stay.

I would have let you love me
I’m certain it’s nicer than bleeding out
A love with roots immersed in doubt
That colors red all the thoughts in my head
And turns ambition into dread

I would still let you love me
If it were possible to be
In love with you the same way
As you have always
Loved me.

august 5

You arrive in a flutter
of eyelashes and pointed elbows
Crossed arms and impatient cigarette drags
Your breath is shallow and your skin
soft and panicking at the notion
that I might brush it with my own
We chat like strangers
and I wonder
how we came to be
So formal and unbothered
By the confines of societal niceties
How strange we must look,
Standing here
with stories in our eyes
and hearts full
of venom and roses
Our mouths
silently forming the stories we swore we’d never share
Our hands holding one another’s
in passing
Imaginary moments
Your sweater flutters
and I wonder what is under it
What is inside the man I once unraveled in the moonlight
Who’s chest bore my dreams
and my soft wavering breaths
Who tasted like a riverbed,
and grasped my skin
with soft clay fingernails
I can’t help but imagine you are bandaged somehow
a love veteran
Returning from the trenches to reclaim the demon
Who scarred your youth
Stole your smile
And made you heavy
Blood-soaked and silent, your eyes burn into mine
Yes,
This man is different
And I wonder if his heart
looks the same under his ribs,
Or if I managed
To destroy that,
As well.