I Want You

i want you
in the simplest
sense of the word
so much it's cruel
and completely
absurd

The Return

You climbed inside my back
laid your chest against my spine
curled your elbows and knees around my ribcage
and whispered "you are mine".

And I laid down in the snow
because I liked the way it felt,
and all the warmth from you inside me
caused all of it to melt.

My mouth swells with my heavy teeth
I'm biting back my words
But instead of spitting them out, I swallow
and gaze up at the birds.

I'm scared to ask you why
What would I do without?
So we bury ourselves in the dirt and mud
and your mouth kisses away my doubt.

Bones

My bones are cold and aching
set like stone inside my skin
they rattle when the wind blows
dragging me down from within.
I'm heavy with the weight of you
though I left you by the shore
your whisper sings to me in the night,
calling out for more.
You're the one mistake I can't erase
one with no justifying words
So many parts of me belong to you,
so many that it's absolutely absurd.
And the worst part is you weren't even real,
you were some imaginary dream.
A surreal and intoxicating splendor
and it makes me want to scream.
I guess I've just never felt so human,
never felt so utterly alone.
I'm not hopeless; I'm just hoping, someday,
I can shake you from my bones.
You don't deserve to hold on
to the very things that set me free.
So, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to let you go,
and for you to let me be.

Last Night

Go ahead and push
I like the way you do
so sweetly; without warning
I could stay with you 'til morning.

intoxicate my head and I'll
do the same for you,
as my dreams in black and white
turn to color overnight.

there's nothing here but you and I
no past or future sense,
and for the first time I'm alive
I'm not afraid to slowly dive

into blue, we'll swim away
this dreamy, careless bliss
is everything I wanted,
everything I've missed.

Go ahead and ask me
those questions tucked inside
I promise this time I'll let you in
if you promise you'll do it over again.

Oh, The Lies We Tell Ourselves

I needed you to love me
but in a certain way,
you needed me to tolerate
the things you had to say.

I needed you to care for me
but not so much it wore me through,
you needed to live in a world in which
the only one I could have was you.

I told myself I needed you
and for a while, I did.
You told yourself it was justified;
you had made the highest bid.

I needed time to heal myself
you bandaged all my wounds
but when healing time was over
the blood poured out too soon.

So here we stand with scars picked fresh
and oozing with regret
all the things you said
the night you wish I hadn't left.

You wanted to be the one to conquer
my heart of ice and stone
and I believed it was you
until you had to conquer your own.

Welcome Back

I don't even know what to say.

I feel like you're an old friend I've grown apart from and sort of forgot about, and now here we are, aged and withering away with every passing second, angry with one another for not calling or sending that birthday card, while desperately attempting to swallow the lumps in our collective throats that form when we realize how much we've missed each other...

Okay, maybe it's not that dramatic. But holy hell, it's been a long time!

Things have changed, as all things do. Former flames have been extinguished and new ones ablaze. Expectations have been challenged, truths have been disproved, and most of all, I have evolved.

But as life gets harder and the lessons more poignant, the better writing I produce. The better songwriter I become. And the more human I feel.

It's good to be back.